The second of today's fnords is almost as daft as the last, or would be if it wasn't scaring the vulnerable. I spotted this one whilst waiting with my daughter in the local health centre, a place frequented by the old and unwell.
It was a poster by Greater Manchester Police
The poster was in the standard colours of alarm - the background was black and the text was mostly yellow and orange (like bees and wasps - who says we don't learn from nature?)
It contained a picture of the palm of a hand (as if pushed into your face) and the word "STOP!"
Basically, it was telling me to make sure my doors and windows are locked before I go out.
Bit late, really, considering I'm already out. But, nevertheless, good advice for next time.
Why so? Because, as the poster says, "1 in 3 burglaries happen when doors and windows are left open"
Wow! That's alarming (or is it the colours of the poster?). What an appalling figure!
One teeny question, though: If 1 in 3 burglaries happen when doors and windows are left open, doesn't that mean that the other 2 happen when the doors and windows are closed?
According to these figures, twice as many secured homes are burgled than unsecured ones.
Now I'm really worried.
"Fetch me my gun, Ma! I'm gonna sleep in the armchair from now on"
Love,
Seán
Tuesday 16 December 2008
Hair today. . .
Nothing for ages and then two fnords come at once. How's that for a cliché?
Here's the first, which I'm submitting purely for comedy value. It may well go under the heading, "How daft do you think we really are?"
Anyway. To set the scene, I was queueing in the Post Office to send some parcels (yup, I'm a muggins too) when I noticed a box on the counter. On offer, in fact!
Think, if you will, of a proper romantic male hero. He's definitely male and strong, but not so masculine that's he's boorish or insensitive. Imagine him on the side of some Scottish mountain with the wind blowing through his long, wavy hair. Imagine Prince Caspian. In fact, let's have a picture, because I think he's handsome too.
Okay - keep that image in mind of his face and hair (forget the sword) and fade it down to a pale sepia. You've now got the background of the box. In the foreground, to one side and printed a lot more clearly in full colour is the product inside the box.
What could this amazing thing be which uses such an image for its promotion? Could it be shampoo (sensible)? Could it be after-shave (crap, but understandable)? What about moisturizer?
No! It's none of these things. The product in the box is none other than . . . (wait for it, this is good!) . . .
A set of HAIR CLIPPERS!
Fantastic! What a message:
"Your Majesty. We have the perfect cloth for you. So fine that only the truly enlightened and intelligent can see it. People just like you, in fact!"
Love,
Seán
Here's the first, which I'm submitting purely for comedy value. It may well go under the heading, "How daft do you think we really are?"
Anyway. To set the scene, I was queueing in the Post Office to send some parcels (yup, I'm a muggins too) when I noticed a box on the counter. On offer, in fact!
Think, if you will, of a proper romantic male hero. He's definitely male and strong, but not so masculine that's he's boorish or insensitive. Imagine him on the side of some Scottish mountain with the wind blowing through his long, wavy hair. Imagine Prince Caspian. In fact, let's have a picture, because I think he's handsome too.
Okay - keep that image in mind of his face and hair (forget the sword) and fade it down to a pale sepia. You've now got the background of the box. In the foreground, to one side and printed a lot more clearly in full colour is the product inside the box.
What could this amazing thing be which uses such an image for its promotion? Could it be shampoo (sensible)? Could it be after-shave (crap, but understandable)? What about moisturizer?
No! It's none of these things. The product in the box is none other than . . . (wait for it, this is good!) . . .
A set of HAIR CLIPPERS!
Fantastic! What a message:
"Be like this guy with his long, wavy hair! Be handsome! Be sensitive yet strong! Get the girls, like in the Movies! All you have to do is. . . shave off all your hair!"
"Your Majesty. We have the perfect cloth for you. So fine that only the truly enlightened and intelligent can see it. People just like you, in fact!"
Love,
Seán
Monday 1 December 2008
Hungry Moggies
It's cheaper when you buy things in multipack. Course it is - stands to reason, dunnit? That's what I thought, anyway.
I'm not terribly good at mental arithmetic, but fortunately my antique mobile phone also functions as a simple calculator. So, let's see. . .
Asda's Tiger brand cat food (400g tin, rabbit and chicken in jelly. Yummy, if you're a cat!) - a six-pack of these costs £2.23.
Individually they're 34p each, so 6 of them costs £2.04.
I can only assume that the extra 19p pays for the shrink-wrapped bag that holds them all together!
To be fair to Asda, they aren't actually stating that this particular cat food is cheaper in multipack. They don't have to! The simple fact of a common belief (bulk-buying is cheaper) coupled with the placement of the multipacks right next to individual cans does all their work for them. And the designers of the shelving system know it!
I've been falling for this one for at least six months. Without boring anyone with the maths, it means I've unwittingly given Asda around £1.95 I didn't need to.
That doesn't sound like much until you wonder just how many people buy those multipacks every week or two, and how many other things we may be buying under the same illusion.
That's Asda Price! *ching ching*
Love,
Seán
I'm not terribly good at mental arithmetic, but fortunately my antique mobile phone also functions as a simple calculator. So, let's see. . .
Asda's Tiger brand cat food (400g tin, rabbit and chicken in jelly. Yummy, if you're a cat!) - a six-pack of these costs £2.23.
Individually they're 34p each, so 6 of them costs £2.04.
I can only assume that the extra 19p pays for the shrink-wrapped bag that holds them all together!
To be fair to Asda, they aren't actually stating that this particular cat food is cheaper in multipack. They don't have to! The simple fact of a common belief (bulk-buying is cheaper) coupled with the placement of the multipacks right next to individual cans does all their work for them. And the designers of the shelving system know it!
I've been falling for this one for at least six months. Without boring anyone with the maths, it means I've unwittingly given Asda around £1.95 I didn't need to.
That doesn't sound like much until you wonder just how many people buy those multipacks every week or two, and how many other things we may be buying under the same illusion.
That's Asda Price! *ching ching*
Love,
Seán
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